One Year Later...

grace noun \ˈgrās\

1-

• unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification 

2-

• mercy, pardon
• disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency

 

So here we are - my 1st anniversary blog post!  God first put this blog on my heart when my hubby and I decided to move forward with our plans to grow our family by fostering/adoption.  We contacted His House, attended an orientation meeting, started and completed our 8 week long licensing classes, and began the seemingly insurmountable stack of paperwork needed to complete our file.  Seemed like things were rolling along pretty smoothly...until they weren't.  There had been a huge time lag between when we first started the licensing process, and when our licensing coordinator actually seemed to be working actively on our file.  His House had a sibling pair, a brother and sister, that they thought would be a good match for our family.  In the same week we received our first referral from His House, my husband was let go from his job.  We are a single-income family, so no job for him means no income for our family.  One of the requirements for a fostering/adoption license is income verification.  So we were back to square one...We were pretty confident that he would find another job quickly, though, which had been our past experience the few times we've gone through job loss.  This wasn't our first time at this rodeo!  With a husband in Sales, this has just been part of the package at times, depending on the industry.  So in October of 2012, the job search began.  Doors would seemingly open, and then close.  Other doors would seem to be opening, and then close as well.  In December, His House was still in faith that my husband would be employed soon, so they approached us with a referral for another sibling pair, another brother and sister.  Even though our home study and licensing process had not been completed, we could still get to know them and see if this was the right fit for our family.  Just after Christmas of 2012, we began meeting with this sibling pair weekly, getting to know them and providing mentoring.  We were in faith that if this was a door the Lord was opening for us, He would provide the way for us to walk through, or close it shut if it was not meant for us. 

 

It has been just over six months since my husband lost his job.  I know there are folks that have been unemployed longer than that.  This is the longest time for our family, and it's been tough.  There have been glimmers of hope in that time, with job opportunities that have come and gone.  God's provision throughout this time has been amazing!  After multiple discussions with His House, both parties thought it would be best to put our license on "hold" until the employment/income component can be finalized.  Not sure if that also means our mentoring of this sibling pair is on "hold" also.  We're still in the process of figuring that out.  The mentoring process was not without its series of bumps in the road, as the younger of the two had severe emotional and behavioral issues.  I'm not going to lie to you - it was pretty intimidating!  I was encountering things I had yet to experience as a parent, and it was scary.  As we learned more about their case, we also learned about the possible logistics involved in fostering this particular sibling pair, with school pick-ups/drop-offs to consider, doctor and other specialist appointments, and all of these times 2 - one set of appointments for each sibling.  It was a tough time, just trying to process all of it, and it definitely brought to surface things we needed to evaluate and help us consider exactly what we'd be in faith for as a family.

 

I've learned a great deal this past year. I've learned that I'm not as "gracious" as I thought I was.  I mean, it's not like that was a really big surprise, mind you.  God just seemed to put that facet of my character under a 400% zoom lense this past year.  I'm always ready to accept part one of the definition of grace quoted at the beginning - that unmerited, amazing grace He so freely pours out on us in His Son.  Pour it on Lord!  It's the second part:  mercy, pardon, and the disposition to extend that to others.  Expecting the best of others.  Loving the unlovable - whether they are unlovable by most people's standards, or just unlovable as defined by my selfish motivation because they're not giving me what I want, or giving me something I DON'T want - is really hard for me to do.  I have to fight my flesh, every single time. I'd like to think I'm a pretty caring, patient, unselfish person, but I'm not. Left to myself, I'm a bratty, self-focused wretch. I need His strength, grace, and mercy every moment of every day. Where would I be if I DIDN'T need to fight for that grace, to battle my flesh for that righteousness that is promised to me in Christ?  It is in that weakness that I find my true strength, His strength.  "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

 

I've also learned to be more comfortable with the unknown, and that it's okay to not have every single facet of a situation figured out perfectly.  That's a big deal for a control-freak like me.  Proverbs 19:21 tells us, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."  Isn't faith the "assurance of things hoped for"?  Am I truly "in faith" about a situation because I kinda'/sorta' have an inkling as to how God is going to move in that area?  I think not!        

 

So where are we now?  We are in faith that the call to foster/adopt is still from the Lord, so as soon as that door opens again, we shall step through in pursuit of it.  As far as it stands, it looks like the income/employment verification would be the final piece to that puzzle.  Recently, I was offered the opportunity to take on the role of Director for the homeschool program our family participates in, and my hubby has given me the double thumbs up to go for it.  My husband is still unemployed...sort of.  He was offered an opportunity to help a childhood friend of ours run a store that he is opening.  An opportunity at self-employment without having to invest our own massive amounts of financial capital?  The Lord isn't constrained by our limited perspective on how things should work out practically.  We have yet another door that seems to be opening in front of us.  We're looking down that hallway, past the open door, and we have no idea what to expect on our journey.  It could close suddenly, as so many others have recently...or it could just stay wide open for years to come.  Although it can be a bit nerve-wracking at times, we're excited, because we see God's hand throughout all of these situations.  Jeremiah 29:11 tells us, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Romans 8:28 also declares, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." These Scriptures fill me with hope, and reassure me that even though I may not know exactly what that hallway looks like as we cross through that open door, I can trust in the end result.  Because I love God, all things will work together for good because I am called according to His purpose.  Not because I say so or because my love for God will cause this..."For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)  It's His love for me in Christ that causes all to work for good.  That's why the Gospel is such Good News!  And resting in that - in Him - is a pretty fantastic place to be!

 

2 Corinthians 4:7-10, 16-18

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.
    
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.  For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.